: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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