I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
