he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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