I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
