Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
