Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
