Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
