Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
