I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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