nut hugger
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
