no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
