I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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