The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
