You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
