toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
