gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
