she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
