ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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