I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize