Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
MIDGETS
????
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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