idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
