Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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