I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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