y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
