i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
