College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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