I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
