when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
