just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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