Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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