you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
