I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
