good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
