I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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