OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
