I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
