this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
