My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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