My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
