Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
