So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I still have a little drunk in my system
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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