i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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