8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
