Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
