i just had sex bonerless
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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