now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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