I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
