Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
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Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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