i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
