I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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