i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
