it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
