I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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