I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've blown a few things in my day
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The beer is more important than you right now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
