Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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