remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
