i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
