I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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