super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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