your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
