Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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