16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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