I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
