I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
