Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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