I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You ruined the universe
Randomize
