I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
