didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
