I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
