i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
why do cheetos always look like penises
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
