Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
