either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
