I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
